Spring Training
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It’s my spring break and I’ve been using this time to do a lot of running… like a LOT of running… and by nature, a lot of thinking and reflecting. I blocked off my calendar this week to run as much as my heart desires. I made some goals that I’ve shared with no one, because I don’t want to add any pressure to a week that’s just meant for training (not proving).
I spent the first day entirely in my head, as in, no music or podcasts. It’s amazing what underlying thoughts float to the surface when there are no interruptions or distractions. And it’s not always fun. I’m very happy with my life, so it’s kind of a bummer when unpleasant memories from the past get dredged up. I also felt a lot of uncertainty and nerves about how the day would go. I remember looking down at my watch after what seemed like a while, and seeing I had gone only a little over one mile so far. I had such a long way to go still. I wondered if I could even do what I was setting out to do. It was a familiar feeling of dread. During the FKTs I’ve set, mornings have always induced the most anxiety for me. It’s hard to fathom what I’m about to attempt to do, and I have a hard time believing I can do it. It’s only usually in the afternoon, and after I’ve covered so many miles, that I start to believe in myself a little more–like I have tangible evidence that I’m able to do what I set out to do. I wondered if the whole week would be like this. Me running alone in the woods with my sad thoughts and anxiety. Some spring break!
Thankfully, the doom and gloom dissipated over some time. It’s almost like I needed to revisit and acknowledge the past before turning my thoughts to the present. And after many, many easygoing and careful steps, I finished the day in the Fells Reservation with 31.5 miles under my belt.
My second day on the trail was much sunnier in all manners of speaking. And much harder physically. I went to the Blue Hills Reservation, which is much more technical trail (and the Fells are pretty technical already!), and it has much more elevation gain and loss. I had to work much harder to maintain an okay pace. I ran 30.5 miles, this time with an additional 2K feet of climbing compared with the first day, and it took 30 more minutes despite being one mile less. And I was wiped!
The third day (Wednesday) I woke up feeling pretty wrecked, and wanted to keep sleeping. Earlier in the week, I realized I actually didn’t have unlimited time to run, because I have to learn a new piano piece for a recital I’m playing in next Friday. So I had gotten up extra early Tuesday and Wednesday to practice piano before running, that way I could run with a clear conscience. My partner had also offered to cook dinner for me Wednesday night, so I was extra motivated to start early and finish by dinnertime.
I went back to the Fells, where I had run the first day, to save on time–less driving, and more “runnable” trail. Despite feeling awful when I woke up, I felt surprisingly good when I hit the trail. I had a lot of energy and felt pretty optimistic about the day. I felt better than I did on days one and two combined. I zipped through 31 miles of trails at even quicker pace than Monday.
All of this is sort of an experiment to see where my head and heart are with some of my goals and desires as they relate to trail running and FKTs. Spending long days on trails is sort of my jam. It feels good and seems to come naturally. My body is holding up great. When it comes to FKTs, there’s a certain amount of not feeling great that’s bound to happen, especially if it’s a particularly stout FKT. So, you have to have a good reason to be out there and really want that goal to make it happen. So the broad question I’m asking myself over this week of training is, what do I want?
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