Down the Rabbit Hole
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It’s been a hot second! Where we left things off I was dreaming of the future. Then I blinked and four weeks went by. What was the near future is already here. When I hiked the Appalachian Trail I remember feeling as if my walking through the wild was the only constant while the sun, moon, stars, storms, days, weeks, etc. swirled around me. That’s sort of how my day-to-day has felt like lately. Every minute is accounted for. I’m absorbed in my schoolwork, piano practice, and music composition. Running has been mostly a mechanism to get to and from school/work. Every so often I’ll look up and notice there are fewer leaves on the trees than before, the moon is way smaller than last time I saw it, I’ll blink and the days are much shorter and darker. And in the midst of everything I am trying to remember to be a human and be connected and present with the people in my life.
One of my professors asked what I could change or leave out to reduce my workload / allow more breathing room. It’s a tough question, because I want it all. I don’t want to leave out anything. So we came up with a plan: to not try to touch on everything every day, but to allow a larger chunk of time per “thing”, even if that means not getting to everything every day. What I love with any given practice is being able to do a deep-dive and really focus and zero in on it. I want to explore my practices fully and reach my potential. But to focus fully and deeply on one thing means I have to set something else down, at least for a little bit.
Inadvertently, I set down this newsletter for a month. My writing practice and how I stay connected with this wonderful community of friends, family, music and outdoor lovers. I don’t love that! As with any practice, I need to remind myself that it’s okay if I don’t have the perfect thing to say, or a lot to say. What matters is just doing the thing. So if this letter feels a bit discombobulated, it is really just me trying to say something.
On the music front, I have some exciting projects and performances in the works, starting with the premiere this coming Thursday of a song called “August” I wrote for flute doubling alto flute, bassoon, voice, piano, two violins, and cello. It’s about a specific feeling I’ve had in the month of August these past two years. In 2022 I moved away from Oregon to Boston to start a new chapter in my life. Last summer I moved into my first bonafide house. It brings up a lot of emotions to leave the past behind and start something new. So I wrote about it! It will be featured this Thursday 11/16 at 8pm in the New Music by Longy Composers concert, performed by six of my talented colleagues. You can attend live at 27 Garden St or tune into the livestream (register to receive a link). I will also be playing piano in an ensemble playing a new work by composer Qudrat Wasefi.
On the running front, I’ve been steadily building volume post-Bubba’s Backyard, each week going a little farther than the last, with this past week totaling 50 miles. I don’t feel I have been putting in the best quality training–many of these runs are a shuffle where I’m really not feeling my best, or I’m carrying my backpack with me to and from school/work which makes the run feel pretty slow and tedious–but each mile feels very earned. It’s always a choice, and I could easily choose not to. Even though my overall fitness is not where I’d like it to be, I am very unwilling to let go of running as a practice, though the temptation is great most days.
Last Sunday I had one of those fleeting runs where everything just clicked. After a particularly stressful week I felt I had to release it all somehow. It was a gorgeous weather day, for once I felt zippy and energetic, and I cruised along for five miles straight at 6:35/mile pace. It really felt like it came out of nowhere. And it gave me hope that even if I don’t feel great all the time, the “maintenance” I’m keeping up with running is still counting for something. And when I’m ready to add more structured training into the mix, my physical self will be ready to go.
If I dare say it… because it implies accountability… until next week!
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