Beauty in Structure
Summer is coming to an end, and I couldn’t be more ready. I’ve been feeling a little lost since returning from Colorado. It’s been good to process the hike and write it all out. I feel proud of Tara and what we accomplished, and simultaneously sad for not reaching a goal I set for myself. Until now, I’ve finished every trail and route that I set out to do (and walked away with an FKT in some form), even if it took a few tries like with the Long Trail. I don’t intend to return to Colorado to try for an FKT again. It’s far away from home and I feel that I gave myself a fair shot. To try something like that again, I’d want and need to do it properly, as in, give myself much more time to train and acclimate at higher elevation. But, that’s a whole lot time and investment when I’ve got some incredible mountain ranges in my own backyard (like in the above photo in the Adirondacks), and there are so many other places in the world I want to see and experience. So, this is a “failure” I am accepting and at peace with. And how could I be disappointed with the outcome in helping a friend reach her dream?
I’ve gotten back into a running routine this month, and it feels good. Even though I don’t have a specific goal I’m striving toward yet, I like the practice and discipline of getting out the door nearly every day and building a little more each week. Similarly I like the discipline of practicing piano and writing this newsletter. I very recently moved, and I like creating and finessing this new space for myself. I am planting roots and leaning into life as an East Coaster and Bostonian. I just turned 38. I begin my second year of grad school soon. New compositions have been swirling around in my head much like they were on the AT. I thought at the time that was simply a result of being on the trail and doing a repetitious activity while sleep-deprived, but I’m starting to recognize music comes to me the most when I’m feeling intense emotions. There is more to me and my life than hiking, so in a way I feel like I’m returning to myself, though I know the yearning to return to the mountains will always come around again, like a never-ending pendulum swing.
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