What's Inside
I love rules. I love etiquette. I will devour advice columns and podcasts until I die, probably. It probably comes as a personal remedy for social anxiety, a desire to please people, and wanting to make everyone around me comfortable, because heaven forbid if I were responsible for anyone’s displeasure. If I do everything correctly and in a socially acceptable manner, then I can never be faulted. I have some ideas about why I am this way, and I’m sure I’m not the only one to go through life like this, and I imagine for women in particular. It’s seeped into my entire way of being over a long period of time; from my sleeping habits to the way I play the piano. Do I actually like waking up early, or is it just that it’s the one time of day I’m not being called on or needed by anyone? And if that’s the case, what’s stopping me from simply drawing personal boundaries at other times of the day? Not wanting to be disappointing, or difficult? To be fair, I am a morning person and a grumpy zombie at night. But that’s one example of how I’d much rather be the adapter, rather than to have the gall to ask anyone to work around my needs.
I’m approaching the end of my first year as a Master of Music student at Longy. I’m studying collaborative piano, which is sort of an umbrella term for accompanying, vocal coaching, and performing chamber music. During my time here, I’ve learned how much more empowered I can be to use my voice as a collaborator, to be an equal, more than an accompanist, which is becoming a more outdated (or at least not as all-encompassing) term. In the past I’d been taught more to follow the soloist’s lead, whereas here the onus is really put on the pianist to know not only the piano music, but to internalize every part, the melody and the text, and to take more ownership in the interpretation of the song. And likewise, it is on the vocalist or instrumentalist involved to understand what is happening in the music as well–it’s not just one person leads and the other follows, it is a conversation; a two-way street.
Last week I performed in a master class for the great Martin Katz, a renowned pianist whose played for some of the biggest stars in opera like Marilyn Horne and Kathleen Battle. He commented on how very politely I played Rachmaninoff, and it wasn’t until he essentially gave me permission (by way of energetically shouting at me as I played) that I ripped into the piano and put some actual soul into it. He then said, “This Liz is a completely different Liz from who we heard before.” Of course the sheet music shows meter, tempo, notes, and dynamic markings. But at some point the responsibility to get the music to leap off the page is not the composer’s, it’s literally in the hands of the performing artist.
So, what else in my life am I being polite about? Where am I holding back? What aspects of myself am I shielding because they might not be palatable to everyone? When have I gone out of my way to make others comfortable at the expense of my well being? Why am I waiting for permission to share my ideas, and why do I need affirmation (like Martin Katz shouting in my ear) to believe they’re any good? What’s the worst that could happen if I just say how I feel and ask for what I want?
The photo at the very top was taken by Adam Parshall. I love what the photo represents, the juxtaposition of the sweet white dress and rugged boulders, similar to those I’ve climbed up and down in the White Mountains and on the Long Trail. It was a candid moment, and what I see is someone confident and unapologetic. I rarely feel that way, but she’s in there somewhere. One can be kind while also not waiting around for permission to be bold.
💫
Thanks for reading. If my writing resonates with you, please consider supporting this newsletter by becoming a sustaining Mercury on the Run member ($5/month) or buying me a coffee.
Sustaining members receive occasional perks including a brand new sticker pack featuring four unique designs by Anna Trella Ruth Miller with quotes by me.
Another fantastic way to support is by forwarding/sharing this with your friends and family that would enjoy it too. New readers may subscribe below.
Upcoming Events
First Year Master’s Recital
May 9th, 3:00pm ET (In-person and online) - Cambridge, MA
Please join me for my First Year Master’s Recital on May 9th, 3:00pm E.T. at Longy School of Music. This short, 30 minute program features collaborators Heming Cao (tenor), Simone Cartales (viola), DeShaun Gordon-King (flute), and Ambrose Philipek (violin), and includes works by Franz Schubert, Yuko Uebayashi, César Franck, and yours truly.
You may join in person or tune in via livestream (the livestream link is shared via email upon registration). Admission is free; register to attend here.
Longy School of Music
Pickman Hall
27 Garden St
Cambridge, MA 02138
The best place to park nearby is the two hour street parking on Cambridge Common. If taking public transportation, it is about a five minute walk from the Harvard Square Station.
The Music in My Mind on the Appalachian Trail presented by AMC - Worcester Chapter
May 17th, 7:00pm - Northborough, MA
When classical pianist and music artist Liz Derstine set out to achieve a speed record on the Appalachian Trail, she spent just over 51 days and near-sleepless nights around the clock walking northbound on the trail. It was a journey that was in parts arduous, intense, beautiful, fulfilling, and heartbreaking all at once. What came as a surprise to Liz were the original melodies that floated in her head from her very first days on the trail, accompanying her thoughts, emotions, and footsteps all the way from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Katahdin in Maine. Join Liz as she shares about her journey, and performs the music that was in her mind, on the Appalachian Trail.
This event is presented by AMC - Worcester Chapter as part of their Third Wednesday Speaker Series. Join in on May 17 at the Northborough Historical Society, 52 Main Street, Northborough, Mass. Liz's presentation begins at 7 p.m. and will be preceded by a potluck supper. Doors open at 6:15. As with all AMC events, it is not necessary to be a member to participate.
Damascus Trail Days Festival - Talking Trail Records/FKTs with Candy Mama and Mercury
May 20th, 3:30pm - Damascus, VA
Join Tara Dower and I as we talk all things trail records and FKTs at Trail Days Festival! Tara and I first met when she came out and hiked long hours into the night with me on my Appalachian Trail record attempt. Two years later I hiked long hours with her into the night on the Benton MacKaye Trail on her own record-breaking hike. It seems every time we get together there is some crazy adventure involved.
At the talk we will shed light on our perspectives as thru-hikers and record holders: what it's like to go after a FKT (Fastest Known Time), what we learned from our experiences, the controversies and criticisms that come up with FKTs, and tips on how to go for it yourself–be it an FKT or a personal record. Q&A session to follow, plus an exciting announcement!
This event is part of Appalachian Trail Days Festival in Damascus, VA! Admission is free. More information on Trail Days: https://www.visitdamascus.org/traildays.html