On the Feeling of Missing Out
A never-before-seen photo of me on the Appalachian Trail in the midst of my northbound FKT, taken by my friend Tara Dower who just announced her intent to go for the supported AT record this summer!
[ {"type": "highlight","id": "30a3c0b4-b4d9-419a-ab12-16a04bdef165","shape": "underline","isFront": false,"isAnimationEnabled": false,"animation": "draw","duration": 0.5,"direction": "right","color": {"type": "THEME_COLOR"},"thickness": {"unit": "em","value": 0.1},"linecap": "square"} ]
Maybe I have gotten a little too greedy, maybe summer is feeling incredibly far away, or maybe scrolling social media is getting the best of me, but wow I have been feeling green with envy seeing what some of my peers are up to, whether it’s playing in the mountains or taking on some kind of cool project I could see myself doing.
After completing the Appalachian Trail, it felt like just the beginning of my path as a long-distance hiker and trail runner. I decided, “I’m going to write a book” and started mapping out a four year plan. Because I had chased the Olympic Trials Marathon standard for so long, I got in a rhythm of planning out my life in four year chunks. Well, almost four years have gone by since the AT. I haven’t written a book, though I did start and maintain this newsletter. I went through a divorce, moved across the country, and rekindled my career path in music as a pianist and composer. I didn’t become the star ultrarunner I thought I could be, but seem to have found a niche in long-distance, self-supported hikes. I’m also gaining confidence and finding my way as a musician and writer. I’m good at it, and feel like I belong. Boston became my home and I’m starting to establish myself here and plant down some roots.
I didn’t have to come to Boston. I could have stayed in Oregon, I could have moved to a mountain town, I could have gotten a random job while holing up and working on a book and training like a maniac, but I didn’t. Those were choices I made, so I can’t feel bad about them. I'm glad to have knocked off the rust from my piano-playing fingers, and I’m glad to have a musical outlet for my creative brain, and a built-in community of musicians to collaborate with. And that’s where I start to feel selfish, because I still want more. The mountains are always calling. Oof, that sounds so incredibly cheesy. So, how to deal?
-Make the most of the time I do have to get outside, even if I’m not zipping up and down mountains all the time
-Make adventure plans and challenging trail goals and get them on the calendar
-Practice gratitude for what I do have, including the freedom to make such choices about my career path and future
-Dive into my chosen projects wholeheartedly (upcoming recital, compositions, performances, races and FKTs, etc.)
-Understand that grad school is a season I’m in. Boston doesn’t have to be forever, unless I want it to be
-Maybe avoid social media for now. :)
💫
Thanks for reading. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, please consider joining Mercury on the Run as a supporting member for $5/month. Members receive:
-
Four unique Mercury on the Run stickers designed by Anna Trella Ruth and a handwritten “thanks” from me
-
Periodic mementos from my adventures (incoming from Sweden… keep an eye on your mailboxes!🇸🇪)
-
An exclusive weekly behind-the-scenes look at my preparation for my next big goals: a road marathon, trail 100K, and ~300 mile FKT attempt. My first few entries are live, including how I kicked off the season with a brand new foot-long gash on my leg!🫠
Some more fantastic ways to support are subscribing below (always free), sharing this letter with a friend, or buying me a coffee. Alternatively, donations are welcome via Venmo, PayPal, and Zelle. Thank you to all that read and support. I’m so appreciative!
