Flying High into July
When it rains, it pours. My cup runneth over. The universe is picking up what I’m putting down. I’m exactly where I would like to be. It’s a good feeling. In the last six weeks I’ve spent a lot of time outside and in my head, time at home, and time catching up with friends near and far.
I found great value in failing at a goal (the Virginia AT FKT). It’s been good to sit with my feelings on that, because it helps to inform how I want to approach future FKT attempts. Initially, I had some feelings of regret in stopping. Why didn’t I keep trying? Then I went back and compiled my vlogs from the trek. Looking back and seeing how sick I felt and how agonizing the decision-making was, I completely empathized with and forgave myself for stopping. Without the videos I don’t think I would have remembered or believed how badly I felt. So, while I think it was the best choice to stop, I think it is still good to experience the crummy feeling of failure and initial regret. It was also good to continue hiking without a particular goal. It was enjoyable in terms of stopping whenever I wanted and taking detours to eat ice cream, but dissatisfying in feeling a bit aimless. I don’t need every hiking or trail running experience to be goal-oriented, but I get a lot of joy and satisfaction from seeing how far my mind and body will allow me to go, and I love having some kind of carrot to chase.
My waffling between how to approach long hikes isn’t new. I took a video at the end of a big day on the Swiss Via Alpina (47.5 miles, 15,000ft gain) talking about these very things:
“I felt so apprehensive today. Self-belief can be easier said than done. I haven’t had a ton of self-belief lately and sometimes I question, ‘Why do I even like doing this? Why don’t I plan a more pleasureful hike, you know, plan fewer miles, have more food, drink more beer…’ but then I get to the end of a day like this and just feel exhilarated. I’ve seen so many things and I’m also just so amazed at what my body can do. I felt so tired eight hours ago, but I kept going, and I wouldn’t say I feel any more tired now. It’s just been kind of like, a smooth, leveled-out tired, and these legs can just keep going. So yeah I don’t know, I’m just feeling really proud of myself right now.”
If you have a big, lofty goal, it’s inevitable that you will need to work through some difficult challenges and problem solving to get there. Where you draw the line on what you’re willing to endure is ultimately up to you. Reaching your goal may or may not live within the framework you’ve set for yourself. In this case, I clearly didn’t want the Virginia AT record badly enough to carry on with a head cold.
After Okushinano, I got to sit with how it felt to have something go well. I loved how light and free I felt in the last stage of the race. I loved running fast. I loved the competition and camaraderie with the other runners out there. I’m still over the moon with how it went, and that high has been carrying me for a while. I’ve had more time available to train with the spring semester of grad school under my belt and I just feel my body absorbing all the hard work and getting stronger. I’m believing in myself a little more.
With that, I’m putting all my effort and focus into planning and training for my Kungsleden FKT attempt in August. I’ve been reluctant to set large goals for myself because I don’t want to end up feeling disappointed if I don’t reach them. But I also don’t want to sell myself short before I’ve even started. FKTs are captivating because they allow you to see and explore what’s humanly possible. You never know if you don’t try, and you also can’t be upset with yourself for doing your best.
💫
Thanks for reading. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down, please consider buying me a coffee or joining Pink Feathers as a supporting member for $5 per month. Supporting members get access to exclusive content and occasional surprises via snail mail. New readers may subscribe below (my newsletter is 100% free).
Thank you for reading and supporting! ~Liz